I fell in love with a rapist.

I was unfaithful to my partner. Today I0m going to get rid of all this that I’m going through, I’m in a terrible mess.

First of all, I would like to tell you that at this moment I just feel terrible.

Not so long ago I was unfaithful to my partner, the love of my life, I am married and I have a 4-year-old daughter, she is the best thing that has happened in my disaster of a life.

I married really young, when I was a 17 years old girl, with a man who was 10 years older than me, things went as you would expect once you settle down, things became boring and our marriage became just as monotonous as the next, a normal couple, boring as fuck.

Soon, thing became so boring that I started looking for some fun on the side, if you know what I mean, I wanted to have fun again, like when I was 17, I wanted to take the world by the balls and have a good time again, whatever it took I wanted it more than life.

I met another man, and he became the fun that I was looking for, he became a new light on the monotonous life that I was carrying, my lover started to become more and more, he became my all and in time I realized that I love him and I could not live without him. He became that important, more than my marriage, and almost more important than my life.

With him, I started living truly wonderful things.

I met him a year ago, and when I met him I was misplaced, lost, meaningless, I had no desire to live. But over time, little by little I got to know him better daily and I realized that he had his own problems and that those problems were derived from things of his past, a really dark past, that changed everything in my life.

This is a picture of me,  a little before he told me the one thing that would change everything

Now that I met him, and the hardships of his past, I do not know what to think about my life anymore… It turns out that this man, that I felt in love with… violated his own daughters.

At first, he seduced them and everything, I am nobody to judge what he did with his past, much less to criticise him, I was basically cheating on my husband with him constantly, and even felt deeper in love with him, even knowing he was a rapist than with the father of my daughter.

He sexually abused her two daughters, enticing them into his perverted game, he is a rapist and I don’t know why It doesn’t affect me the way it should.

He raped his daughters and that is why he is not with his family right now. That is the secret that affects me so much at times, it is so difficult to deal with because I have my own daughter and… there is so much I need to think because I had not heard more from it from him since he does not have the courage to tell more details of what happened between him and his daughters.

The actual problem is that even now that I know his difficulties I supported him, I gave him money, I helped him feel good all this time.

Whenever he needed me there I was supporting him, whatever it took, at any time, any day. It’s been about a year now and we almost did not see each other… I think we are falling apart as a couple.

Whenever we spoke it was great, it was sensational actually, it was something else to be in touch with him, despite the fact that he is a sexual predator, the most wonderful thing that has ever existed in my life.

Just a few days ago, he told me I needed to fix my life, that we were not seeing each other so much anymore because of me, that the problem is not him but me, I need to do things well for both of us, that I needed to change to make everything better…  I told him that I needed some time. I’m not well at all now, I feel out of place from this world, I’m living again without a sense of pertinence. I feel used and abused by him.

Every time I call him he ignores me or hangs up on me.

And even worse, every time he hears me cry, it’s like he does not care at all that I’m suffering, that I’m in pain. I do not know what you think, but I think the world is conspiring against me, the whole universe is giving me all this suffering and I don’t deserve it.

I feel that life is charging me the bill for being unfaithful to my husband and my beautiful daughter, I also started to feel that my lover played with me, I feel horrible, I feel that I don’t know what I am going to do with my life now.

The days go by and if I tray to contact him and send him messages, he just doesn’t answer me, he ignores me totally, I have to beg him to speak to me, I tell him that I need him more than life.

It gives me so much pain and sadness because he once told me that he loved me, he told me that we were made for one another, that he was going to wait for me to get divorced so we could be happy together, to be together forever and ever, for the rest of our lives, in fact, I was already looking to divorce the father of my child, I was going to leave him. But at this point.

I do not know what to do now, with my life, with everything. I know it was wrong to be unfaithful to my husband, but my life was just so boring, so lonely and static…

I just fell so dumbly for falling in love with, with a rapist that doesn’t even love me anymore… That I have to beg to get his attention.

That’s why I feel shattered. Do you think I deserve it? Do you think this is the life that I deserve for my sins? Is this all a nightmare really?

Category: confession